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Personally crave advice from those regarding managing life’s midpoint hurdles, for example existential reckonings, diminishing importance, noticing one’s neck akin to a surrealist painting and a newfound passion about property shows. Most recently, I read Jamie Oliver’s words regarding his fiftieth birthday during a chat: “To thrive in life’s later stages, you must cut out distractions,” he explained. “Spend time with positive individuals. I steer clear of downbeat types – ‘energy vampires’ – and am learning to decline more often.”

Initially, I wondered: isn’t this contradictory between “avoiding negative people” and “getting better at saying no”? Could that imply he needs to dodge his own tendencies? I realize – that’s typical energy vampire talk, and I admit I fit the description. However, among our group, we favor the term “energy drainer”. Please avoid “wet blanket” or “fun sponge” too – all this comparing us to utilitarian household items is offensive; we have feelings (albeit mainly negative ones). In a bind, I might tolerate “melancholy luxury blanket”.

Maybe you belong to this group as well. Do you tend to be the event’s realist rather than its cheerleader? Does your thorough reply to casual greetings make people step back nervously? Upon hearing “exciting” ideas, do you make a face as if you’ve tasted something vile? Can you relate deeply to pessimistic characters; has an intuitive ever described your energy as dull?

If so, you’re one of us, but it’s OK. Despite a whole self-help-inspired trend urging people to get rid of friends who “drain” them, I’d argue we offer real value. I imagine a negative type would have voiced caution – or pulled a disapproving expression – when Jamie mentioned his children’s book idea featuring an Indigenous protagonist without proper consultation, potentially averting numerous issues, hurt, and anger. You don’t get that sort of service from “lovely people”.