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The current period marks a full decade since the term “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end communication with a partner without a word seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an frequently fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a concerted challenge on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed glossary to the words Zoomers is using to navigate love, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reply is engaged or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This means seeking out someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to partners who forgo having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal quirks suggesting a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your choice to date a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and usually everyday dealbreakers that instantly kill any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {